Rituals of RelationshipsApparently we've been missing the point all alongI’m a rookie hip hop dancer. Anyone that has seen my hip hop moves knows I will neeeeeever win an award for dance! But years ago, when I received the World Speaking Championship, I behaved just like an Academy Award recipient. I thanked all the people who helped me achieve that. In that high moment it was people that were most important.
People. They matter most in the high highs of celebration. And in the low lows of daily struggle. Yet, according to Tom Rath, in his book Vital Friends, most of us spend all of our energy on self-development and completely miss the point. The energy between people is what creates great relationships, great teams and great results.
How much attention are you giving to your relationships? Are you missing the point? If you’re serious about achieving high performance (that is becoming wildly effective and deeply satisfied) you need solid rituals of relationships. These are not “meant to be broken" habits but sacred rituals. Carved-in-stone times when you connect with important people in your world.
Have your once-solid rituals slipped? Maybe you want to mimic some of favorites over the years:
- Mastermind group of colleagues I Skype with for an hour every two weeks (I am more focused on who I want to be because of them)
- Wednesday date-night with my husband Dave (this took a long time to develop since I wanted to be spontaneous…which apparently doesn’t work with 2 children)
- Weekly 20 minute coaching meetings with each of my senior staff (these actually lead me to become a coach)
- Story time with my children before bed (followed by reminiscing about the day)
- Weekly phone call with my boss when I worked as a General Manager (essential for surviving politics)
- Saturday morning hike up Knox mountain with my best girlfriend (feeds my body, my soul and our relationship)
- My husband has Tuesday man-night when he and his buddies and their buddies thrice removed (okay, they would never say ‘thrice’) go out to a testosterone-filled movie
- Monthly wine and cheese networking with my professional association (it’s not what you know it’s who you genuinely connect with)
You have some healthy relationship rituals that developed organically. Now it’s time to create some by design. Choose one relationship that you want to grow:
- Invite them: simply telling someone you want to connect more is a great relationship builder!
- Protect that ritual: get others on board to support that time. You may need to tweak the day or time, but don’t abandon it.
- Be deeply present: your mind will follow your body. Face her, smile and BE fully in this room. Create positive energy between the two of you and the relationship will grow.
Next month I’ll share more expert tips to build faster rapport and higher energy in each of your relationship connections.
I just wrapped up a glorious long weekend filled with connections with my dearest friends. And you? Pause right now to choose one person you want to connect with this week - at work or in life. This is the year to stop trying and start doing what's most important.
We don't need more will power. We need rituals. Can you really afford to wait any longer?
Email: Info@RhondaVictoor.com
Phone: 250.712.0085
Web: www.RhondaVictoor.com
Check out my latest blog entry entitled Burnout Barb's return from the brink! |
Big gems that come when we pause: the coach check inIn my last newsletter I wrote about the rituals of focus – how to pause for effect(iveness). Droves of readers asked me to forward the free article “time at the top” by time-tracking gurus Ann Gomez and Mark Ellwood. If you missed it, write me and I’ll send you a copy.
Now I’m curious to hear your stories of implementing a pause ritual. One entrepreneur has shared with me his big gem: he was inspired to replicate the “push back from the desk” ritual. For the past 5 weeks he’s been spending an hour each Friday morning looking at the big picture in his work and planning the next week based on real priorities. He's amazed how much more he's getting done. And even more exciting, he's more relaxed and calm during the day knowing he's completing the real priorities.
Welcome to readers joining us from PMI and CMA. It was an honor to meet you all at your events in earlier this month. The Big Gem I took away from PMI = everyone has a story, complex with highs and lows. The Big Gem I took away from CMA = one participants story of realizing she could connect with her difficult colleague by first changing the attitude she went into conversations with. Beautiful! Please write me with the Big Gem you took away from the conference. For new readers, if you want to check out past issues of our newsletter click here - archives are at the bottom of that page. Or read the blog here.
Have you put your BIG gem from the past week into action? Choose 1 new ritual today. You can do it.
Indeed, this is the year to stop trying and start doing what's most important. We don't need more will power. We need rituals.
Can you really afford to wait any longer?
Email: Info@RhondaVictoor.com
Phone: 250.712.0085
Web: www.RhondaVictoor.com |
