Shades of grey

Exploring the BIG question..."Who am I?"

As a performance coach (for business and life), I learned early on that career-coaching is not my forte. My apologies to those clients who helped me figure that out a decade ago. I know what I'm crummy at...and what I am good at. But much of the time I don't have a concise answer to "Who am I?"

How about you? Do you have a solid answer to "who are you...really...in your work, life and relationships?"

Back in February I wrote how that question has plagued me since I was a teenager. I shared how I wrote a vision statement for my business and my life. Yet still, it felt incomplete. I knew who I wanted to be. Yet I struggled to be that person consistently. Each time I'd do something "bad" - like blow a big sale in business, lose patience with my kids, or lie to the skate-rental-lady by failing to tell her I was taking those rentals out of the arena - I'd feel this huge tug of war within me. I doubted my answer to "who am I?" After all, how can I be a trusted, kind and honest person if I behave contrary to that?

Over the past 3 months I've talked this over with friends, family, coaches (including the amazing Marlena Field: her unhooking technique is fabulous) and a counsellor. It was the latter who asked me the questions that lead me to my BIG gem moment. She asked "Why is it important that you have a concise answer to the who-am-I question?"

Well if I have that answer, I can be REALLY genuine. I can figure out my purpose...how I'm really meant to help people. And I can share that with the world.

Then she hit me with the real zinger, "And you're assuming, when you find that answer, you're going to like that person? And want to share her with the world?"

Ouch! Burned. She's right. I've assumed that at the core I'm all goodness and light. But my angst is coming each time I see a "dark" part of myself - in my work or my life. I'm admitting (to myself) that I am capable of nasty things: that's as much a part of me as all the good stuff.

So maybe my job isn't to answer "who am I?" in a concise paragraph. Maybe it's to recognize that life's messy. And I'm messy. And I have light parts (that I can consciously grow) and dark parts. And plenty of grey parts in between. And if I'm genuine about that...then I am being genuine to who I really am.

To my surprise, this BIG gem brought an immediate sense of peace. I feel myself becoming less judgmental of me. Less judgmental of others. And happier.

I feel like I took a big leap toward becoming one of those people I wrote about in my personal vision statement. Her name is Karen Anderson. I met her in 1997 when we moved to Kelowna, BC. Her husband, the late and absolutely great Malcolm Skinner, worked with my husband Dave for a few years. From the moment I met Karen I was inspired by her. The way she moves and listens and laughs with peace and confidence. I feel like she sees the complexity in herself and others. And she is accepting of that. She is wise.

I feel like I've become a little wiser in the past 3 months. And for now my burning desire to find a single paragraph to accurately describe me has dissipated. I'm going to ruminate over this in the months ahead. And I'd love to hear your story of finding wisdom in who you are. Please write me.

Remember, this is it. This is the year to stop trying to be who you want to be and start doing it. Perhaps this story will challenge you to find a BIG gem. When you find it, focus on it...act on it. Focus on 1, act on 1...just 1 BIG gem!

It's not all about me!

Yes, I have BIG gem moments as an entrepreneur, speaker, and mom. But it's not all about me! In our blog I've been sharing the BIG gems of my coaching clients.

Check out the BIG gem Olivia had about the great debate between optimism and pessimism.

And read about Sally the Snob: especially if you have a networking function to attend in the weeks ahead! You can also watch a video clip of the Sally-the-snob story from a recent Out with Schmooze keynote. Are you planning on attending any conferences this Fall - would you like to see our Out with Schmooze program in the line up...so you can learn to really connect with your colleagues? Link us up to the conference planning team and we'll make it happen!

A HUGE thank you to everyone who wrote in last month when I asked "What do you really want?" We randomly drew from those entries and the winner of the book Awakening the Workplace is Brenda K. from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Congrats Brenda!

Here is some of what you told me you really want...

have more time to myself...I will make this happen by cutting down on the volunteer groups that I attend!!!
to act in film
contentment
move away from trying to balance the egos and truly make a difference
to laugh daily from my heart
really clear my head when I come home from work so I can have quality time with my children
to stop trying so hard… I am already there
-develop deeper more meaningful relationships
perfect revelling in the now
to be unstoppable and inspire excellence
be completely content in the goals I choose for today knowing that tomorrow’s stuff will be there, but today is complete in and of itself
to savour each moment: the challenging and enlightening sh**ty moments; the vindicating delightful moments; and ALL the shades of grey in between

May you enjoy exploring all the shades of grey in between! Happy spring!

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